I’ve been thinking a lot about prayer lately, and what it truly means to pray.  Growing up, I got the impression that prayer was asking God for something, or begging and pleading with Him when the “something” happened to be extra big.  The picture I had of prayer was a game of tug-of-war, with God on one side and me on the other.  My task in prayer was to try and pull with all my strength and might in an effort to wear God down, to cause Him to notice me, to persuade Him to solve the problems I was asking Him to solve, and to convince Him to move on my behalf.  It was an exhausting view of prayer, to say the least.  I often felt defeated in my prayer life, and I would think, “There has GOT to be more to true biblical praying than what I’m experiencing.”

Well, over the last couple of years, my definition of prayer has changed.  The Lord has brought across my path several women who have amazing prayer lives, and I’ve been given a glimpse behind the Holy-of-Holies veil to see what their intimate daily encounters with God look like.  Several things have jumped out at me that have really spurred me on in my search to learn more about prayer.

1)  It’s okay to be real with God.  Trust me, He can handle it.

True prayer doesn’t have to sound “holy,” and we don’t have to return to Elizabethan English in order for God to hear us.  Awhile back, a friend of mine at church shared with me how she goes into her place of prayer and gets gut-wrenchingly honest with God.  She shares with Him her frustrations and fears and disappointments, and even her complaints.  If she feels let down by God, she tells Him so, and cries out to Him for answers and understanding.  The amazing thing, she shared, is that He answers her!  And His answers always bring truth and peace and healing right smack dab into the middle of her pain.  My past self would have been shocked by this, at the idea of being this raw and real before God, but now I totally get it.  God doesn’t want our “religious” self, all prettied up with make-up, hair spray, and perfume.  No.  He simply wants US, bare-faced, straggly hair, morning breath, and all.  He wants us to express our true heart to Him, including our hurts, our fears, our frustrations, our questions, and our tears.  He wants it ALL.

The more real we are with God, the more intimate our relationship with Him will be.   Do I want a superficial, on-the-surface, skin-deep relationship with God?  Then I can present my religious self to Him in prayer, and this is what I’ll get.  But if I’m hungering for an ocean-deep, heart-to-heart, no-holds-barred, face-to-face encounter with God, then I have to get real with Him.  “Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part of my heart You will make me know wisdom.” Psalm 51:6.  The Psalms are chock-full of David’s bold heart talks with God.  The Lord already knows what’s in our heart anyway, so when we openly admit what is in there – the good, the bad, and the ugly – He can meet us right where we’re at and “make us know wisdom.”  Once the masks have all come off, it’s way easier to press into God.  And the neat thing is, once we’re able to lay our naked soul bare before Him, warts and all, this is when He’s able to do His deepest work in us.  In order to heal our hearts, He must have all the pieces.

2)  True prayer is a partnership with God, rather than a tug-of-war against God.

I’ve discovered that the true definition of prayer is not just asking God for things, but rather communicating with God.  It’s hearing His heart on a particular matter, agreeing with Him that I want what He wants, and then partnering with Him in prayer to bring it to pass here on this earth.  Prayer is truly a partnership with God, a joining of hearts with Him, to bring His plans and purposes (a.k.a. His kingdom) down from heaven to earth.  “Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Matthew 6:10.  God, in His sovereignty, has chosen to partner with mankind and use us to accomplish His will here on earth.  This truly blows my mind whenever I think about it.  The God of the universe Himself has chosen to partner with little ol’ me (and you!) to bring His plans to pass.  My job is to spend quality time in His Word and quality time talking with Him and listening to Him so I can clearly hear what His heart is, and then I’ll know how best to partner with Him in prayer.

A great example of this process is found in 1 Kings when Elijah prayed for rain.  He first listened to hear what God’s heart was: “Later on, in the third year of the drought, the Lord said to Elijah, ‘Go and present yourself to King Ahab.  Tell him that I will soon send rain!’” 1 Kings 18:1.

Now instead of sitting around and waiting for it to rain, Elijah partnered with God in prayer in order to bring it to pass.  “Elijah climbed to the top of Mount Carmel and bowed low to the ground and prayed with his face between his knees.  Then he said to his servant, ‘Go and look out toward the sea.’  The servant went and looked, then returned to Elijah and said, ‘I didn’t see anything.’  Seven times Elijah told him to go and look.  Finally the seventh time, his servant told him, ‘I saw a little cloud about the size of a man’s hand rising from the sea.’  Then Elijah shouted, ‘Hurry to Ahab and tell him, “Climb into your chariot and go back home.  If you don’t hurry, the rain will stop you!”’  And soon the sky was black with clouds.  A heavy wind brought a terrific rainstorm…” 1 Kings 18:42-45.

And lest we mistake Elijah for a super-human prayer warrior, the New Testament says this in James 5:17-18: “Elijah was as human as we are, and yet when he prayed earnestly that no rain would fall, none fell for three and a half years!  Then, when he prayed again, the sky sent down rain and the earth began to yield its crops.”  The key for Elijah was to listen to God’s heart in the matter so he would know how to pray.  Even though it took awhile to see God’s plans and purposes come to pass, Elijah was able to persist in prayer because he knew he was praying from God’s heart.  Our prayers are not always answered in the time frame that we’d like, but we CAN be assured that if we are praying according to His will and in partnership with Him, then He is working behind the scenes on our behalf to bring it to pass!

3)  Prayer is a dialogue, not a monologue.  If we give God time to talk, HE WILL.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “saying your prayers”?  It’s quite a misnomer, because if we’re merely “saying” prayers to God without listening to hear what He has to say in return, then we’re missing out on a HUGE part of prayer.  I’ve found that God speaks to us in a lot of different ways, and He is so gracious to confirm His words, so we’re not left wondering whether or not we’ve heard Him correctly.

The easiest way to know God’s heart is to read what the Bible has to say.  The Bible contains a ton of promises that we can claim in prayer as part of our inheritance as children of God, redeemed by the blood of Jesus.  One great little resource book on this particular subject is God’s Promises For Your Every Need, which lists out God’s promises grouped by various topics.  It’s not an exhaustive list, though, so it can be even more rewarding to just dig into the Word, and find His promises for yourself.

And what about things that aren’t specifically mentioned in the Bible?  These would be things like which job to take, or where to live, or whom to marry, or even simple everyday things like, “What are You wanting to teach me right now, Lord?” or “What is Your heart for me in this situation with this person?”  Well, to me, this is where an intimate relationship with God can be so exciting and fulfilling.  Since God is a relational being, and since His desire is to communicate with His children, He actually answers us when we talk to Him!  I’ve found that He will speak to different people in different ways, so as you get to know Him better, you’ll start to see patterns of how He speaks specifically to you.

A few of the common ways He speaks are through His Word (as I mentioned above), through impressions and thoughts, through images and visions (kind of like a mental picture), through dreams, through inner promptings, through other people, through our circumstances, through music or a particular song He brings to mind (even secular songs), through paintings and other works of art, through a strong sense of peace about something, or through a strong sense of warning about something.  This is just the tip of the iceberg, but you get the idea.  Just remember, whenever God speaks, His heart will always line up with His Word.  God never contradicts Himself, and if it ever seems as though He has, check in with Him again and ask Him to give you a clearer picture of what He’s saying.  This is a promise we can take to the bank: “If any of you lacks wisdom to guide him through a decision or circumstance, he is to ask of our benevolent God, who gives to everyone generously and without rebuke or blame, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5.  God is always talking, but the real question is, are we listening?